In the land of rubber shoes and dirty ice cream

I'm super happy. I can't begin to explain how happy I am with this guy. And I can't believe that he loves me back! I finally found someone who's weird and crazy like me. Haha!

Anyway, time spent with this guy is super amazing. Never a dull moment. I love everything about him. First of all, he's a gentleman. The last of his kind :)) haha. He never fails to make me smile. He'll do anything to see me happy. And he's so sweet. He called me up last night before I slept just to tell me how much he loves me. If I weren't so tired and sleepy last night, I would've jumped up and down the house cause of sheer happiness. Meehhh, I'm so fucking happpppyyyyyy :)

I love how he tells me I'm beautiful even though I really am not (go have your eyes checked kasi! haha). He makes me want to be a better person. He's the best thing that I have and I'd be a fucking fool to let him go.

We got all these plans for us to do and I really hope we get to do everything together :)

I'll want you forever you know. Best believe that, N word! Hahaha.

I love you Jose Martin Chaves :)

My very own crazy boyyyy :))

I remember the day that I met him, it was at Longboards Manila. I bought my first board and he was the one manning the counter. Good thing I didn't buy the Freedom dolly board at DC Shoes. :)

Everything happens for a fucking reason!

You mean the whole world to me :)

<3
My life would be incomplete without you here.
You're the reason why I breathe.
Ladies if you got a man, fellas if you got a girl, why don't you tell them that they mean the whole world to you.

If there's somebody out there just like me, put your hands up, and tell them you're the reason I breathe.

I finally found the person I want and I'm never letting him go.

The distance is killing me though :( I wish we can see each other more often. I miss you everyday :(

Ditto :)
I love how he texts me good morning everyday. I love how I wake up and the first thing I think about is him.
I love how he hugs me. I love how crazy he is. I love how he looks at me. And most of all, I love how he's all mine.

I am the luckiest girl. I got the last great guy :)

So yeah, haterzzz gonna hate! :))

Namaste.

You are the sun, you are the only one. You are so cool, you are so rock and roll.

What a busy morning :| I drank like two cups of coffee just to get by cause I haven't eaten anything for breakfast and lunch. Meh :| then cheerdance practice later at 4pm. Gaaaahhhhhh :(

Enough ranting. So I've been thinking a lot about doubts and what not. I'm the kind of girl who thinks about every possibility, every ending, every mistake, every problem and everything that might derail anything good that's has happened, is happening and will happen. It's called being realistic, fool. I ain't no emo bitch who thinks about every negative thing that happens to me. I relish the good stuff quite often actually. I don't share it to people because I don't want to seem like I'm proud or something. I always keep it on the down low. I tell people my problems cause these instances that bond you with your friends. Heeehhhh this is too heavy. Anyway, back to my doubts. I'm having this big fucken doubt that what's happening is too insane. Too good to be true. But slowly and surely, I'm beginning to accept it. :) BELIEVE

No matter what happens though, I should never expect. I should keep a mental note that I should not expect anything because expectations actually ruins everything. I mean it's also unfair to expect something from someone. The fact that he is willing to do something for you is a big thing but expecting something else is just too insensitive. Give him the best of you if you really like him. But don't put him up on a pedestal. Appreciate what you have because when you lose him, you'll have another one of those regrets that people should avoid. Regrets, meh. I'd talk about that in a separate entry. I have a lot to say about regrets.

I have less than an hour before my meeting starts so I'm going to wrap this thing up. So basically, I am happy :). This is beyond words. I am so thankful for meeting someone that is kind, generous and a gentleman (bonus pa dahil gwapo hahaha!). No regrets, just love.

Namaste.

Haircut

So yeaaahhhh I cut my really long hair :|

I KNOW :(((( I miss my loooong hair!
But people tells me that I did the right thing by cutting it. Mehhh I don't know :| Haha

So let me start by saying Happy new yeaaaarrrr!!!! :)
I ended 2011 even better than what I expected (hahahahaha) :)
Started my year great for once also. I never expected for this to happen. Beyond my wildest dreams :))
Enough about that haha. I'll try to blog about that soon :)

Anyway, so I want to skate now. :)) I think I'm addicted. I have a lot of scars and scabs now but I dont caaaaare. It's worth it.

I'm really not in the mood to blog right now. Soooooo I'll just blog about something big next time. I'm just bored right now. Haha.

I know you're reading this so...hellooooo :)

Namaste.

Give her the best of you

Hola :)

So yeah, it really has been a while. I don't know where to start actually cause a lot has happened. Let me start by saying it has been a great year! But I'm excited and anxious on what 2012 will bring me.

Relationship status: Single and happy :)
So we broke up and ever since then, I've been contemplating if it really was what I wanted. When it happened, I didn't even cry. I was thinking maybe it hasn't sunk in that it really was over. A week passed by and nothing. To cut it short, nothing. I just had to accept that it was over.

I had a lot of time on my hands so I needed something to fuel me. To actually make me feel alive again. And since I wanted to try out skating, I bought myself a longboard. :)

It's a Landyachtz Drop Hammer with pink sick six wheels. Happiness!!! :)
I love skating so much that I bought another board two weeks ago. Hihihi

My second board is a Jet Doppler. I just transferred the trucks and wheels from my 1st board because I haven't got the money to buy a new set for this board.

I've never been this happy in such a long time :)

And of course, I can't thank my friends enough for helping me get through the rest of the year. I will never take my friends for granted. I love them to bits!

My brothers from another mother! Knoll Santiago and Yham Reyes. They've been there for me ever since and I can't wait to spend more time with them next year. Boracay babyyyyy! :)
I love these guys so much. We've been shopping at Bazaars and it has been a blast spending some quality time with them. Temple tuesdays with them are the best! :)

And also, I'll never be thankful enough for my clannish group :)

Missing: Jerome and Dianne :(
They were always there when I needed them. Through the good times and the bad. We're all so clingy it's so funny! It was a blast spending most of my time with them and I can't wait for more adventures with them next year. I can't wait for Laoag! :)

All in all, I really am happy. Beyond words. 2011 was such a great year for me. I've met a lot of great people and I can't wait to meet some more. This is my moment and I feel so alive.


Namaste.

Oh hello there

It has been a while.

Anyway, A LOT has happened for the past 8 months. Hot dang. I've never been this happy before. Seriously.

My hair is this long now (but not as pretty). Haha!

I wanna eat this!

Nuff said.

Confusion. Gosh I'm in over my head.

<3


I'm really not in the mood to blog now but I really need to update this. I feel like I'm floating and my head's spinning. I haven't been this confused for a long time now. I don't know what needs to happen for my mind to straighten out. But so far, I've been clearing things up for myself. I mean I need to stop for the sake of my sanity that's probably why I had to do it. I was literally going crazy. I was in shock when it happened but I didn't really cry or whatever. It just happened. I took a risk and it paid off. I've been happy ever since. :)

Beating hearts baby

I can not believe it. HOW???? How did this happen I don't understand.

I can't. I don't. I don't know what to do.

Fml. Ftw. This is karma for I don't know what.

You realize it's over

I know, I know. It's been a while. I have yet to update my blog. A lot has happened, and when I mean a lot, I mean A LOT.

So my boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago. I know, bummer right? But even if that happened, I couldn't be mad at him. It was my fault, all of it. I should have been strong enough last year to say no to him when he wanted us back together. It was too soon. I just love the person too much that I'd do anything for him. I didn't care if people thought that I wasn't growing as a person ('cause I know I was). I didn't care what we did, who we did it with as long as he was by my side. I thought he was my soulmate. You know that kind of deep connection that you don't push. It just happens. From the very beginning of our relationship, nothing ever felt like it wasn't natural. It felt perfect.

Even with the bad times, I still couldn't feel entirely sad or mad or whatever. I felt that it happened for a reason. Look at me now, two weeks after we broke up, I'm surprisingly okay. I'm not sugar coating anything telling you that I'm great or something. I'm just really okay. Contented.

I had 3 days of mourning, crying, paranoia and what not. But that was it. The occasional thinking sessions that would or would not lead to hysteria and panic attacks. But generally, I'm okay.

I had a lot of plans for my self 'cause I had a lot of free time now. I thought of ways to be better. But I couldn't do anything from plans unless I knew that somewhere out there he was happy. Because what actually fuels me now is the thought that he is happy. I talked to our friends and asked them to help him meet a nice girl that can replace me. That can make him forget about me. Because that was actually the plan. To forget each other.

The week after the break-up, we still talked. He wanted to be friends but I couldn't give him that. It was absurd to be friends with him when the very reason that broke us up is that I was beginning to be a burden to him (and despite the reason, I still love him can you believe that?). I couldn't ask that much from him. I want him to be free. Free of anything, free from me. So I had him choose between two options where we will both have a good result. First, I would give him all the space that he needs. I just needed one thing from him: his commitment, his loyalty, his love. Or, we forget about each other (this is actually healthier for the both of us). He couldn't choose and it was beginning to be annoying that he couldn't choose between the two options. So I chose the second option.

Following that week, I had a lot of ups and downs. I found out I was sick. Not just fever sick but a possibility of diabetes sick. It was maddening that time (well until now actually). Every morning when I wake up, I couldn't move my body. I would feel very weak all the time. Though I tried sleeping early, eating on time and other healthy matters. But it was really hard. I usually go to bed around 9pm, but my mind wanders off and next thing I know, it's 3 am and I have to get up at 5 am. Then when I have to get up in the morning, I have to  exert more energy because my body could not for the love of anything that is holy, get up from that bed. My body keeps shaking and my heart keeps on palpitating and I feel so cold all the time. With my eating habits, I am very hopeless. I'm not really a breakfast person but I try to eat at least a sandwich every morning. During lunch time, I'd be very hungry because most of the time I really don't eat breakfast. But when the food is served in front of me, I begin to feel nauseous. I still try to eat though, but I end up vomiting the food. For dinner, I have nothing to say. I don't eat dinner. My energy when I come home is non-existent so I just go straight to bed and rest my body.

It feels so annoying. To feel something else overpowering my own body. Most of the time, I think about death and its repercussions in my life. Who would mourn? How would I die? Things like that. It's an easy way out I can tell you that. But it was never really an option. I just didn't want to die a weak person.

So we've come full circle. The beginning of an end or an end of a beginning. Whatever floats your boat.

Last night, I had the courage to finally go away. To just drop everything and walk out from his life. I owe him too much to not give him that. I talked to him before I went to bed. Said everything that I wanted to say and just deleted my facebook account. Soon enough, I'm gonna change my number also because the number that I'm using is from my company and when I leave that company sooner or later, I have to give up that number. Also, what with my law school, I may be moving also. Tabula Rasa. A clean slate.

But I couldn't shake the feeling of caring for him. Thinking about what's happening with him. If he's happy or not. I just want a way to know whether he's happy or not. If my little plan worked for the best.

This one no one would understand but my ex: Apollo. I think he might be coming. But I have no intention of telling you about Apollo. I'd keep him for myself only. I don't want to deprive you of anything. That's why I'll keep it to myself.

The chances my ex would be reading this a hundred million to one.

So for the one who made me feel like I'm the best person in the world, I love you.